A GUIDE TO HAVING FUN WITH JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:

The other day I had a fun conversation with a couple of Jehovah’s witnesses that approached me while out on a nature walk. They proceeded to hand me Watch Tower literature and try to “convert me”.

Since I just drank an espresso, as well as being a student of comparative religion and having many hours of in-depth conversations with Jordan Maxwell under my belt, I thought sure, why not, this ought to be be fun!

The end result is that these poor bastards probably wished they had never approached me in the first place. I was very polite the entire time and told them I’m a spiritual person that respects people’s freedom of religion. They were also polite to me, but I know what they really think of non-Jehovah’s Witnesses, because friends of mine whom are ex-JWs have told me as much.

Either way, it’s fairly easy to stump Jehovah’s witnesses with some real zingers if you’re a theology geek like me. Sure, you might think the best route is to bring up recent and past sexual scandals, but that’s boring. Those allegations are easily dismissed with the old line used by defenders of crimes committed by the Catholic Church, “predators become Priests, but Priests don’t become predators”, etc).

Instead, you have to understand the bizarre history of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. You can’t make this stuff up. First of all, the founder was a wealthy man named Charles T. Russel (a Freemason), which later inspired the “Russelites”. He was involved with the IBSA (International Bible Students Association). Here is where it gets interesting and we start to see connections to other religious startups during that time. He followed around William L. Miller (a fire and brimstone preacher), who formed the Adventists. That group later became the 7th Day Adventists, a bunch of vegetarian Sabbath keepers who believe in the “Trinity” after they got involved with Ellen G. White. Her story is highly bizarre and filled with interracial affairs, automatic writing and a tale about her possessing super human strength to lift a rock up over her head. She also believed in human-animal hybrids during the days of Noah (chimera), which she claimed would become normal during end times (hey, we’re there!). We’ll save that for another time. 😉

Anyways, back to the JWs, Russel found a lot of “Truth” in what Miller was preaching, but after a while he dismissed a lot of it as bullshit and formed his own group. The Zion Watch tower society was formed in 1881 and we see a break off from Miller’s teachings to form his own group, because according to Russel, Miller clearly didn’t have all the “truth”. Now we should point out that all of these groups were influenced by the British Israel World Federation doctrines (Jehovah’s Witnesses, World Wide Church of God, 7th Day Adventist, Christadelphians, Mormon,etc). The teachings of British Israel are that Jesus is King, Europeans are the lost tribes and that Jacob’s two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim (England and America), are the true rulers of the world. It’s also very interesting that JWs still receive money from trust funds setup by Rockefeller, Rothschild and the Morgan family. Could this be why their head quarters moved from Philadelphia (the city of Brotherly Love) to New York (York was the place that Rome used to rule England from, so New York is the new international power of the world and home of the UN).

Here is where Jehovah’s Witnesses doctrines get crazy and even stump its followers. According to the International Watch Tower Association, Jesus never became crowned or king until 1914. That’s right folks, for the past 2000 years, people have been worshiping an unelected official. Jehovah was the boss up until that point. And according to the Jehovah’s Witnesses, who were established in 1914, Jesus had looked at all the churches in the world and decided they were the only ones with the “truth”. Also very convenient if you ask me!

Here’s another hilarious twist of fate, in 1916 when Nathan Homer Knorr, a man of Jewish descent, became President of the Jehovah’s Witnesses (chosen by Jesus, of course) he called everything Russel taught all a bunch of bullshit (not in those words), but wanted to throw it all out.

One of the Jehovah’s Witnesses most controversial doctrines is that only 144,000 people can be saved and go to heaven. This is interpreted from the book of Revelation (7 and 14)/book of the Apocalypse (see my video on the origins of that book, the Phryrgian monks and Ion/Jon). The real meaning behind 144,000 is hidden in the numerology (1+4+4+000=9) and 9 is the number of man, as we spend 9 months in the womb. So the inside/esoteric joke here is that man/everyone will be saved/ascend to heaven together.

So the next time Jehovah’s Witnesses knock at your door, try asking them why according to the International Watchtower Association did Jesus only become King in 1914? Who made him king? Ask them if JWs are the ultimate truth and if Russel was chosen by Jesus, why did Nathan Homer Knorr (also chosen by Jesus to be president) claim everything Russel said is wrong? Also, if only 144,000 can be saved, do they know what that number means? There’s a lot more fun you can have, but those are just a few pointers to get you started!